Remy at the Bat
by ColdFusion180
Summary: A tale of Remy trying to woo that person he does crave.  If Ernest Thayer read this he'd be rolling in his grave.


**Remy at the Bat**

The atmosphere was peaceful for the Acolytes that day.  
>They lounged about the rec room while in varied states of play.<br>Piotr and Sabertooth traded shots in a pool game  
>While Pyro sat and burned things and made pictures out of flame.<p>

When suddenly Remy skipped in, his face a-smiling bright  
>And quickly caught the notice of his fellow Acolyte.<br>"Hey mate," Pyro waved and finished burning a vase to ash.  
>"What's going on? Feel like playing Ultimate Frisbee Smash?"<p>

"No time for that," Remy declined, a twinkle in his eye.  
>"I have my sights set upon a much bigger fish to fry!"<br>Remy jumped with fervor and looked about to shake apart.  
>"I've come up with a master plan to win over Rogue's heart!"<p>

"Oh no," Piotr groaned as he predicted Remy's pain.  
>Sabertooth let out a grunt meaning "Here we go again."<br>"Oh boy!" Pyro chirped with glee and looked at Remy anew.  
>He leaned forth eagerly and asked, "What are you going to do?"<p>

Remy smirked triumphantly and revealed to them his plan.  
>"I'm going to prove once and for all to Rogue that I'm her man!<br>For in the past I've been too passive and too indirect.  
>But this time I'll confront her and it all will be perfect!"<p>

"To win over a _femme_ you must get her in the mood.  
>And what better way to do so than make for her some food?<br>I'll fix for her a picnic feast on which we both shall dine.  
>And when she has finished her meal sweet Rogue will then be mine!"<p>

Remy ended with a flourish and prepared for his quest.  
>While clinging to that hope that sprung eternal from his chest.<br>He skipped out of the room and to the kitchen nearly flew.  
>His teammates of course followed him to see what he would do.<p>

Remy reached the kitchen and set upon his task with zeal.  
>Cooking like a maniac to create the perfect meal.<br>Ingredients flew through the air, knives chopped them up real fine.  
>Pots bubbled upon the stove, the oven worked overtime.<p>

From the doorway the Acolytes watched Remy rush about  
>Cooking and putting the occasional grease fire out.<br>"Should we stop him?" Piotr asked looking on with concern.  
>"No way," Sabertooth snorted. "Let's just watch him crash and burn!"<p>

Later Remy strapped a large picnic basket to his bike.  
>Filled with tons of food and drink he knew Rogue would really like.<br>Catfish, beans, fried chicken, biscuits and jars of marmalade.  
>Gumbo, jambalaya, hush-puppies, homemade lemonade.<p>

Sweet potatoes, collard greens, pies, peach cobber with whipped cream.  
>Remy sped off and smiled all prepared to fulfill his dream.<br>Meanwhile the other Acolytes followed after Remy's shape.  
>Not to cheer him on, but record his actions all on tape.<p>

They watched him reach the mansion, hide his bike and leap the wall.  
>Avoid the defense systems and on towards the mansion tall.<br>Remy went to the back and climbed up to a balcony.  
>Unlocked the doors and entered seeing the room was empty.<p>

Remy stopped and stood in Rogue's room wanting to snoop about  
>But he restrained himself and took a handwritten note out.<br>He left the note on Rogue's pillow which told her where to go.  
>Remy then quickly left and headed for the gazebo.<p>

There was ease in Remy's swagger as he soon approached the place.  
>There was pride in Remy's bearing and a smile on Remy's face.<br>He entered the gazebo and his face became a frown.  
>There was no spot to set the food or places to sit down.<p>

Remy began to panic as Rogue would appear quite soon.  
>He didn't want to stand there looking like a big buffoon.<br>Remy snapped his fingers, a mischievous look in his eyes.  
>He turned back toward the mansion intent to raid it for supplies.<p>

While X-Men roamed the mansion like a hive of busy bees  
>Remy knew to avoid them and he did with playful ease.<br>He found a folding table after searching the downstairs.  
>He hauled it back to the gazebo along with some chairs.<p>

He took out a tablecloth and he spread it like a jewel.  
>Unloaded thermal containers which kept food warm or cool.<br>Remy set the table while keeping a hand to his ear.  
>Listening for indications that Rogue would soon appear.<p>

Quickly all was ready and Remy rubbed his hands with glee.  
>He rolled his tongue across his teeth and sat down anxiously.<br>From the lemonade pitcher he poured a glass and took a sip.  
>Excitement gleamed in Remy's eyes, a smile graced Remy's lip.<p>

Remy then thought it would be nice to have a centerpiece.  
>He looked for something to make the setting's ambiance increase.<br>A bunch of flowers red and green looked to be the best.  
>Remy bent down to pick them and disturbed a hornet's rest.<p>

Remy froze as the hornet flew and circled 'round his head.  
>It looked as if it would attack and sting him, but instead<br>The hornet flew on towards the food, landing on a biscuit.  
>Then the hornet's antenna waved and began to sample it.<p>

"Shoo!" Remy grabbed a spoon and tried to swat the pest away.  
>He missed but forced it to fly off to live another day.<br>"Ha!" Remy set down the spoon with no thought to make amends.  
>But he forgot a hornet can have lots of little friends.<p>

Soon an entire hornets' nest came zooming from the east.  
>They quickly swarmed at Remy and went flying for the feast.<br>Remy yelped and tried to fight off the hundreds of hornets.  
>But the hornets went and stung him, collecting on their debts.<p>

From the air all dark with insects there went up a piercing cry.  
>Like the wailing of a diseased moose a-waiting for to die.<br>"AAAIIIEEEEEEEEE! OW! OW! OW! YEEEOOWWW!" Remy's voice was shrill and hard.  
>And he would've been stung to death had not Remy charged a card.<p>

He tossed the card into the air. It blew up with a BOOM!  
>And scattered the swarm of hornets like a wild shockwave of doom.<br>The hornets flew in circles, each one blinded like a moth.  
>Remy staggered and unknowingly charged up the tablecloth.<p>

With a smile of grateful relief Remy did his best to stand  
>But was startled when one last hornet stung him on the hand.<br>"OOOWWW!" Remy clutched his hand, the tablecloth about to blow.  
>And that is when Rogue appeared and entered the gazebo.<p>

KA-BOOM! The tablecloth blew up sending food everyplace.  
>Pies and gumbo went a-flying and hit Rogue in the face.<br>Peach cobber plopped on top her head, it soaked down in her hair.  
>Her clothes were hit with chicken bits, catfish and silverware.<p>

Remy froze in horror at the result of his mistake.  
>"Oops" and "Oh no" died on his lips. His knees began to shake.<br>He saw Rogue's face grow mad and cold, he saw her muscles strain  
>And knew she thought he'd played a prank and prepared to explain.<p>

But Rogue's green eyes blazed with fury, her fists were clenched in hate.  
>She locked on Remy's face while looking scary and irate.<br>And then Rogue did draw back her fist, and then she let it go.  
>And then the air was shattered by the power of Rogue's blow.<p>

Oh, somewhere in this crazy world, madness reigns shore to shore.  
>People read zany stories and laugh 'til their sides are sore.<br>And somewhere children are happy, and somewhere adults pout;  
>But there is no joy in this case – silly Remy is knocked out.<p>

And as Rogue stomped off angrily while muttering up a storm  
>The Acolytes emerged and glanced at Remy's unconscious form.<br>"Well that's that," Piotr sighed. "Do you think he'll ever quit?"  
>"Maybe," Pyro shrugged and laughed. "But I wouldn't count on it!"<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the poem "Casey at the Bat".<strong>


End file.
